5 Lessons Learned the Hard Way as a (former) New Manager

 

"Every mistake is an opportunity to improve competence."

- Ken Blanchard

 

As leaders, or really as a human being, we never stop learning. And making mistakes is an incredibly powerful way to learn.

 

I know you’ve heard this before, but you’ve heard it before for a reason…because it’s true.

 

Mistakes will be made, that’s inevitable.

 

But what’s important, what makes the mistakes more meaningful and not a complete waste of everyone’s time, is to learn from those mistakes.

 

I have made all the mistakes listed in this article and learned from each of them and I’m thankful for it. But I had to be open to learning from it.

 

Changing my approach to the following areas has not only had a positive impact on my coaching and leadership, but also my relationships with my team, building trust and credibility, and positively impacting team morale and culture.

 

Do Not Make Assumptions

 

"The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions"

– Miguel Ruiz

 

Is one of your team members all of a sudden coming in late? Are two members of your team consistently butting heads? Someone’s performance starting to slip?

 

While these situations can be frustrating to deal with, they also can sometimes cause us to jump to conclusions or make an assumption about what’s going on.

 

You truly never know all that is going on behind the scenes in someone’s personal life and you never know how that’s going to affect them at work. It is always best to approach these situations and conversations with compassion and curiosity.

 

Trusting your gut can be a useful guide, it’s not always right. There were more than a few times early on that I was so sure I knew what was going on with someone on my team or I thought they were just not taking their job seriously, only to have my way of thinking proven wrong.

 

Maybe the employee that’s coming late is having car problems or trouble finding childcare. Maybe the employee with a short fuse is suffering from depression or is burnt out from caring for a family member.  

 

And while there is a responsibility for your team member to communicate with you, you also have a responsibility to your team to create a safe environment. And that starts with having a conversation with them where you aim to seek clarity and support where needed.

 

This may sound like…

 

“I noticed you’ve been coming late more in the last couple weeks.

That’s unlike you, is everything okay?”

“You seem to be having strong reactions to situations that normally don’t bother you, so I wanted

to check and see how you’re doing. How is everything going with you?”

 

By starting the conversation with statements like these, you are showing compassion, empathy, and understanding to your team member on a personal level, when they may need it. That goes a long way in building loyalty, promoting a safe and supportive environment, and creating an engaged team.

 

Now there may or may not be an issue. Maybe they are just having an off week and bringing it to their attention will be enough or maybe there’s a bigger issue that will require you working with the individual more in depth, but you don’t know until you ask the questions. Only then can you react appropriately.

 

Don't Feel Pressured to Respond in the Moment

 

This one’s for all my introverts out there!

 

I remember all too well the feeling of wanting to always have the right answer as a new manager. The added pressure I’d put on myself to effortlessly articulate a perfect response to any and all questions that were asked of me. And if I couldn’t? Well then, my imposter syndrome went into overdrive.

 

But let’s get real. I didn’t have all the answers, you don’t have all the answers, even senior managers don’t have all the answers.

 

So let’s take the pressure off ourselves and agree that it’s okay to not have the answer right away. It’s okay to say you need a minute before you respond or you need to look into something a little further before you respond.

 

And the truth is, sometimes it’s better to give yourself a minute to think before you give the wrong answer or commit to something you may later need to back track on.

 

Here are some helpful prompts

 

“My initial thoughts are _________, but I’d like to think about it a little further

before I commit to anything"

“I’m actually not sure about that, I’ll have to look into it”

“I’d like to think about that before I answer”

 

Just make sure you don’t get in the habit of doing this and then not circling back or following up with your answer. That will lose you credibility fairly quickly.

 

Now of course, there will be times when this won’t be an option, but there will be lots of times when it will be, so don’t be afraid to take a minute.

 

The Best Time to Address a Situation is

as Soon as You’re Made Aware of It

 

A common mistake I see new managers make, myself included, is putting off or waiting too long to deal with a situation that needs to be dealt with.

 

Whether it’s fear of addressing difficult conversations (very common for new managers), being so busy you don’t prioritize it, or secretly hoping if you avoid it, it will just go away, not dealing with a situation when it comes up can have a negative affect on the individual, the team, and productivity.

 

For the record, early in my career I definitely did all three of the above. 

 

But I learned the hard way that avoiding these situations never works and, in the end, usually makes it a bigger mess to clean up.

 

It is far easier to deal with a situation as soon as your made aware of it and early on with some gentle coaching or guidance than it is to address it once the situation becomes a bigger problem, potentially with a negative impact on the individual or with a ripple effect out to the team.

 

You May Need to Take Training into Your Own Hands

 

Unfortunately, an overwhelming number of new managers are not provided with the right training when they first step into their leadership roles. I’m referring specifically to all the “soft skills” like having difficult conversations, coaching team members, and team building, among the many other skill it takes to lead a team effectively.

 

If you are one of the many who was not provided appropriate training, you may need to take matters into your own hands and advocate for ourself.

 

This could look like finding a course or program at college/university or online, hiring a leadership coaching, reading books, watching YouTube videos, or listening to podcasts.

 

There is a TON of options out there are various price pointes…including free.

 

It would also be worth your while to check with your company to see if there’s any kind of tuition reimbursement or training budget that could help.

 

If you’re interested in learning more about my coaching program, check it out here.

 

Don't Be Afraid to Professionally Push Back on Decisions

 

“The art of decision making includes the art of questioning.”

– Pearl Zhu 

 

As a new manager it can be very intimidating to question your boss or anyone in a position above you (this is definitely a muscle you need to build on), but it is an important, sometimes overlook, aspect of your role.

 

Your main responsibility of being a manager is to ensure you are taking care of your team and making sure they have everything they need to perform their job effectively. This includes advocating for them when decisions are made that affect them and have a direct, negative impact on them.

 

If a decision is made that has an impact on your team (think policy or process change), it’s your responsibility to speak on their behalf.

 

This can look like…

After receiving feedback from my team regarding the <insert situation/decision>, I have met with them to hear their concerns and feedback. As this does have a direct impact on them, they have the following concerns or questions

<list questions and concerns>

I’m hoping we can schedule a time to meet and review the feedback from them so I am able to provide them with some clarity/direction.

I don’t think this decision is going to land well with my team, because <describe how it affects them>. Are you open to suggestions or alternatives?

 

When you are questioning or pushing back on a decision that’s being made, make sure you acting with the right intention and the right words and tone. The goal is not to come across as combative, argumentative, or like you know best.

 

The goal is to speak on behalf of your team with their best interests in mind.

 

And, of course, recognize that sometimes the answer will be no. If this is the case, it’s a good idea to get clarity as to the intent behind the decision. This will help with you communicate the change with your team.

 

This is a good reminder to you as a leader as well. Make sure your team knows you are welcome to feedback and input in decisions you make as a leader. Encourage them to contribute to the decision that are being made that affect them.

 

I learned all these lessons early on in transition into leadership and they served me throughout my career.

 

So tell me, what lessons have you learned so far as a leader? Let me know in the comments below.

 

I hope this article has helped you lead with clarity, confidence, and conversation.

 

Happy Leading!

 

Emily