The Cost Of Avoiding Difficult Conversations As A New Manager

Oh boy, I tell ya… if I had a nickel for every time I had to deal with the aftermath of an unaddressed conversation…

Whether it’s giving feedback to an underperforming team member, handling conflict among team members, or delivering a termination notice, difficult conversations are inevitable and a fundamental aspect of your role as a leader.

When issues don’t get resolved, they get bigger. Anxiety builds, trust and credibility are broken, and development comes to a screeching halt.

Not pretty, but oh, so common.

Addressing issues directly may feel uncomfortable for everyone involved, but if you deliver your message with compassion, tact, and the right intent, you’re doing them a favor in the long run.

Today, we’re digging into the effects of avoiding difficult conversations—both for you and your team.

It’s Only Short-Term Relief

You know when you skip doing the laundry because, well, you just don’t want to do it?

Then by the time you get to it, even more laundry has been added to the pile. What was once a 5-minute task is now a 20-minute task.

Well, that’s kind of what it’s like when you avoid difficult conversations. The relief is short-lived, and then you have double the workload to deal with when the time comes to actually face it.

Side note: This analogy was inspired by the two-day-old pile of laundry on my bed that’s currently waiting to be folded and put away.

You may think, If I leave it alone, maybe I won’t have to deal with it… maybe it’ll resolve itself. 

Maybe the two team members who’ve been fighting will sort out their issues on their own.

Maybe the underperformer on your team will see the error of their ways and get their act together.

Sure, there’s a teeny, tiny chance that approach might work, but more often than not, you’re only giving yourself temporary relief (and developing bad habits). You’re ultimately delaying the inevitable and potentially giving the issue time to get bigger (more on that a little later).

It Chips Away at Trust and Credibility

If you’re aware of an issue, there’s a good chance some—if not all—of your team are aware of it too. When they see it’s not being addressed, that can very quickly break the trust they have in your leadership and potentially affect your credibility.

If this happens every time a situation arises, it slowly (but surely) chips away at the trust and respect your team has for you. This can be immediate with long-lasting impacts. The long-term effect? Eventually, your team will stop coming to you with concerns because there’s no trust that the situation will be handled properly—or at all.

Regardless of your reasons for avoiding these conversations, the reality is that it can give the perception of incompetence or even favoritism.

It Can Create a Bigger Mess to Clean Up

Sometimes, catching an issue early allows you to course-correct and resolve it with feedback or simply by bringing it to someone’s attention (I won’t lie, it’s pretty awesome when it happens like this).

Whether it’s performance, conflict, or another issue, it’s far easier to deal with it in the early stages before it escalates or becomes a habit. If you wait, it can become a bigger issue, cause more damage, and have a ripple effect that negatively impacts the rest of your team.

Addressing issues early is one of the many benefits of having regular one-on-one meetings with your team. Check out this FREE guide for more benefits.

It Increases Stress and Anxiety

We all know that feeling of stress and anxiety that comes with avoiding something we know we have to face. Laundry pile anyone?

The longer you wait, the more the pressure builds, leading to further avoidance.

If you’ve found yourself here, then the potential conversation is likely consuming your thoughts and distracting you from other important tasks. And this doesn’t just apply to you—there’s a high probability the recipient of the conversation is feeling increasing anxiety as well.

If you think the conversation already has the potential to be emotionally charged, going into it feeling anxious isn’t going to help anyone, and it can affect the outcome. When you bring anxious energy into the conversation, it can impact your delivery, causing you to fumble your words or even forget something important.

You’re Missing the Point and Missing an Opportunity

At their core, difficult conversations are really coaching opportunities to help your team members develop or to resolve an issue. By addressing the issue directly and with the intent to get to the root cause, you’ll positively impact the situation and your team.

Yes, these conversations aren’t easy (they’re called difficult for a reason), but they’re necessary and important. You’re not being mean, and you’re not trying to belittle anyone. You’re helping them by addressing the issue and working with them to find a solution.

The consequences of avoiding difficult conversations are always greater than the conversation itself.

The truth is, these tough (sometimes awkward) conversations can lead to real positive change—for both you and your team. The more you have these conversations, the better you’ll get at them, and the more effective you’ll become at supporting and coaching your team through them.

And at the end of the day, that’s what you want as their leader.

Ready to Stop Avoiding and Get Started?

If you need some help getting started with these conversations, check out this blog: 

How to Approach Difficult Conversations as a New Manager.

If you need help knowing what to say and get the conversation started, download this free guide:

25 Helpful Phrases for Difficult Conversations

Ready to Take It One Step Further?

Tackling difficult conversations is something we cover in depth in my one-on-one coaching. If you’re ready to become a pro at handling difficult situations (and everything else that comes with being a new leader), let’s chat!

Click here to book a free call with me.