Soft Skills Spotlight on Emotional Intelligence
Jan 14, 2025
This is the latest post in a series called Soft Skills Spotlight,
where I’ll highlight the what, why and how of one of the many essential soft skills
that go hand-in-hand with being a leader. Check out my previous post on
This week’s soft skills spotlight is on…Emotional Intelligence
Being in a leadership position, especially as a new manager, can really bring the emotions from all ends of the spectrum (aka, brings all the feels). Given that leading people requires you to work with, and navigate, all the different experiences, complexities, and yes, emotions that come with being a human being. In no uncertain terms, this is a tall order.
Having emotional intelligence is one skill that can definitely set you apart as a leader and will have a fairly major impact on your effectiveness with your team.
Ready to learn more and improve your emotional intelligence? Let’s get to it!
So, What Does it Mean to Have Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, interpret, and regulate your own emotions, and understand and influence the emotions of those around you. Sounds easy, right? Yeah, not quite…
Well to add a few extra layers to this, emotional intelligence is actually made up of 5 key areas:
- Self-Awareness: The ability to understand your own emotions and how they affect your actions.
- Motivation: The ability to stay focused and driven, even when challenges arise.
- Social Skills: The ability to interact with others in social situations.
- Empathy: The ability to understand other people’s feelings and see things from their perspective.
- Self-regulation: The ability to keep your cool and respond thoughtfully, even in stressful situations.
Is anyone else picturing the characters from the Disney movie Inside Out? But instead of your emotions running the show it’s these five skills. Yeah, it’s kind of like that.
In short, EQ helps you manage yourself and your relationships with others—two pretty important things for a new manager!
Why Do New Leaders Need Emotional Intelligence?
While all soft skills are important and take the lead at different times as a leader, not all soft skills are created equal, and I would put emotional intelligence towards to top of the list (I hesitate to actual rank any of them).
If you had any doubt of the importance of emotional intelligence as a leader, just have a look at this article from Forbes. Backed by research, they named it the #1 leadership skill for 2024. I’d say that’s pretty reliable. Need more proof? Check out this article from Harvard Business School on Why Emotional Intelligence is Important in Leadership.
I think you’re getting the picture…emotional intelligence is critical for leaders. Emotional intelligence factors in to all the key areas of leadership. But let’s break down exactly why.
Improves your Communication Skills
You could make the argument that good communication (an absolute non-negotiable as a leader) starts with emotional intelligence. EQ helps you read between the lines and adapt your communication style to connect with each team member.
Improves your Ability to Resolve Conflict
Whether the conflict involves you directly or you’re mediating between team members, having emotional intelligence while addressing more challenging topics allows you to stay calm and objective. In these situations someone with emotional intelligence typically applies more empathy and fairness.
Enhances Decision-Making
Emotional intelligence is a key player in how and why we make decisions. With emotional intelligence you are better able to recognize and understand how your emotions affect the decisions you make. Having emotional intelligence will help you make decisions with logic and empathy, leading to well-rounded and thoughtful choices.
Builds Trust with Your Team (and others)
When you are having daily conversations and interactions with your team, they will feel heard, respected, and valued. When that happens trust between you and your team will naturally start to form.
Tips to Practice and Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence isn’t something you are necessarily born with. I mean sure, there are some people out there that it probably comes more naturally to than others. But this isn’t a “you either have it or you don’t situation” – it’s a skill you can grow and improve with practice. Here are a few ways you can work to improve your emotional intelligence (this is far from an exhaustive list).
Before you can manage your team’s emotions, it stands to reason you should learn to understand your own, right? A great way to do this is to check in with yourself when needed.
- Daily check-ins: Ask yourself, “How did I do today? Ask yourself why you handled certain situations the way you did. Acknowledge and address your emotions instead of ignoring them.
- Notice patterns: Are certain situations triggering and causing frustration or stress? Recognizing patterns helps you respond more effectively and avoid them moving forward.
2. Work on Developing Empathy
Empathy is at the heart of emotional intelligence. Use your active listening skills to focus entirely on what the other person is saying—no interrupting, no multitasking, no listening only to respond with what you want to say.
It’s helpful to put yourself in their shoes and ask, “How might they be feeling right now?”
3. Manage Your Emotions and Pause Before Reacting
Certain situations can trigger us, and sometimes our emotions get the best of us. When you feel triggered or notice your emotions starting to bubble up, take a deep breath and step back if needed.
If you need to excuse yourself from a conversation to respond more appropriately—or if the person you're speaking with needs a break—give permission to pause. There’s nothing wrong with stepping away from an emotionally charged discussion to calm yourself and gain clarity, as long as your intent is to return and continue the conversation, not to avoid it altogether.
Whenever possible, avoid reacting in the heat of the moment. Respond with intention, not emotion.
As I was writing this blog, I was listening to a podcast and heard a quote that could not be more perfect to drop right here:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
– Viktor Frankl
4. Be Transparent About Your Emotions
It’s not about putting on a poker face and pretending you don’t have feelings and emotions. Your team doesn’t expect you to be a robot. Showing emotions and sharing your feelings can make you more relatable and approachable to your team.
There will also be times when maybe your emotions get the better of you and you may not respond as your best self, because…you are not a robot. When that does happen, it’s a great opportunity to acknowledge and own your behaviour with your team, use is as a learning opportunity, and move forward.
5. Work on Your Social Skills
I know a lot of leaders can still struggle with the idea of socializing with the people on their team. But gone are the days where there was a firm line in the sand with you on one side and your team on the other side getting personal and going out for drinks after work together.
Emotional Intelligence is about connection. You want to be friendly with the people on your team (I’ll save the discussion on being friendly vs. being friends for a different blog post). You want to have a connection and a rapport and know them on a somewhat personal level.
Regular check-ins, team building activities, using humor, sharing stories about yourself are all ways to start to build a genuine connection with your team.
Need some support on how to improve communication with your team?
Click HERE and download my FREE guide 8 Ways to Improve Communication with Your Team
Don’t stress about being perfect right away
It’s true what they say, practice makes perfect. And the same can be said for working on your soft skills to become an effective leader.
Giving consideration and appropriate attention to working on and improving your emotional intelligence will be well worth your time. When it comes to you and your team:
- be mindful of emotions and reactions
- watch for triggers
- check-in regularly
- aim to seek understanding, make connections and get curious
So, do you think you have some room for improvement when it comes to Emotional Intelligence?
Let me know in the comments below!
Happy Leading!
Emily
